20 Reasons Why Breastfeeding Might Be Similar To Drug Dealing

Let me edit and preface this post with mentioning that it is all in good humor. I am a breastfeeding supporter and have been a working, nursing, pumping mom since my son was born. During the past 13 months of breastfeeding and pumping, myself and others have made the below observations. 


Look at that shady baby. He definitely looks like he’s up to no good.

20 Reasons Why Breastfeeding Might Be Similar To Drug Dealing

  1. You might start dressing differently to hide weight gain, weight loss, or to have easy access for using.
  2. You are constantly measuring in ounces, and every ounce counts.
  3. You constantly plan to have enough to get you through each day.
  4. If you drop some on the floor or down a drain you’re going to be pretty upset.
  5. When first starting out your new habit you’re somewhat sketchy about finding a place to do it, using dark corners of rooms, hiding behind a stroller, backing in to the bushes at the park, sitting alone in your car or even in bathroom stalls. Give it a few months and you’re just doing it openly in public in restaurants, at festivals or at the mall.
  6. If has been a few hours since doing it, you need it to relieve the pressure.
  7. You feel bonded with your activity-mate.
  8. You sometimes have to beg your activity-mate to participate with you. “Please, baby, wake up, I need it. Just take a hit, come’on, I’m in pain here.”
  9. Sometimes it is the best way for your activity-mate to fall asleep.
  10. You’re always planning your next fix. Two hours? Three hours? Before bed? As soon as you wake? How much time is left before using again?!
  11. After a long night of using, you might smell like your activity.
  12. There is instant calm and relief and relaxation and good feelings about the world when you do it.
  13. Everyone in your office might know you’re doing it but no one will come out and say it.
  14. There will be hushed tones and looks of disapproval from people asking you when you’re going to stop that behavior.
  15. There are some signs of a war between users and non-users, with users making the argument that it’s all-natural and better than other alternatives. Non-users might accuse users of consuming more calories and pigging out more frequently.
  16. You might have to disclose your activity on doctor’s checklists or before taking medicine.
  17. Some people have rallies to protest and petition for their rights to do it.
  18. You might have frequent meetups with a group of friends who all do the same to use together and compare stories and stash sizes.
  19. You may take photos of yourself doing it out of amusement or keepsake and email them to yourself as quick as possible to erase the evidence off of your phone or camera.
  20. Non-users feel like they have to convince you to stop if they feel you have been doing it for too long. Interventions.

Can you add any more to this list?


5 thoughts on “20 Reasons Why Breastfeeding Might Be Similar To Drug Dealing

  1. This is funny, but maybe some people will take it the wrong way? I breastfed, and am all for it (and anti-formula), but breastfeeding has enough to fight already.
    Is there any way to only allow breastfeeding mothers access to this post? 😀

    1. I can understand your sentiments and worry. I am also a big breastfeeding advocate–my son was EBF until the introduction of solid food, and I plan on extended nursing (he still hasn’t had cows milk) until he self-weans. Perhaps I could change the title of this post, but it’s all in total humor as collected from the past year of nursing and how people have treated me and the topic. The response to this post on the breastfeeding FB groups I am part of has been positive, so hopefully it won’t be taken the wrong way! It could perhaps more-appropriately be titled something like “Why is Breastfeeding Reacted to as Suspicious Behavior?” My experience has wholly been positive, in regards to nursing in public and commuting, pumping at work three times a day, and more. But it makes me laugh all of the comparisons that are there. It’s my intention that this post is only humorous!

      1. I know it’s in total humor, and I actually found your post funny! I just don’t want it to be taken the wrong way – but if you say you’ve only gotten positive feedback on FB, then maybe my fears are unfounded.

        I am glad you haven’t had to put up with any of the negativity that BFing mothers sometimes get. I also had a very positive experience, for the most part.

        The comparisons you made are, unfortunately, too accurate. 😀 It is very funny, I just wish some of them weren’t so true!

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