My son was born in December and I returned to work full time (outside the home) in February. Lately there have been a lot of “by nows” in my life and it seems like the list just keeps on growing and growing, either from things I feel myself or from things other people have said to me. Today has been a great day, but I found myself thinking of all of the below on my drive home from work, not in an overwhelmed kind of way, but a more analytical view. Perhaps if I had a shorter commute I would have less time to think about as much.
By now I shouldn’t be feeling like I should have it all together. Do you all have “it” together? No one has it together.
By now I should be sleeping more frequently.
By now he should be sleeping through the night.
By now I should be feeding him three solid-food meals a day.
By now I should be making time for family dinners.
By now I should be able to find the time to cook daily.
By now I should be used to only having three hours a day to spend with my son.
By now my house should not have clutter laying around leftover from maternity leave chaos.
By now I shouldn’t have piles of paperwork sitting on the dining room table.
By now I should be able to see my dining room table and put away all the baby gear laying on top.
By now I should be doing laundry on a regular basis.
By now I should have switched to cloth diapers.
By now I should be able to get up at 4am and leave the house at 5am to be at work by 6am as scheduled.
By now I should be able to make my lunch for each day.
By now I should be able to dry my hair instead of pull it back each day.
By now I should have tried to put my son in a back-carry in the baby carrier.
By now I should have tried to put him in a restaurant highchair instead of his carseat.
By now I should be able to take a night off to myself.
By now I should be able to go for a run after he goes to sleep.
By now I should be able to watch a tv show before giving up and going to bed.
By now I should be able to feel like my husband and I are still in this together.
By now I should feel like the new-mom fog is lifting.
By now I should have printed out photos for his room.
By now I should have started writing in his baby book.
By now I should not be attached to the video monitor while he’s sleeping.
By now I should be able to have more good days in a row than bad.
By now I should feel like I’m doing better than just hanging on by a thread.
By now I should be able to stop being so hard on myself.
I’d love to list all of the ways that I actually do feel like things are improving, but, well, I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed!